Coaching Yourself Through Disappointment
Building resilience in the face of trials
Building resilience in the face of trials is one of the most significant character building opportunities we face in life.
The following 'Truth Coaches' are renewed thoughts we can use to replace negative, disempowering and depressive reasoning, meanwhile steering our feelings in a positive direction. As you dwell on and recall these empowering truths when you need it most, they will prove to be a grounding encouragement and create a renewed perspective when the going get's tough. As a natural result of restoring your perception, a new trajectory for your feelings and attitude will ensue - a much more powerful, positive and helpful one!
Whenever you need to coach yourself through disappointment, take some time to identify the specific reassurance you need - Here's a list of examples to get you started.
What is the truth that brings you reassurance?
1. The feeling of hopelessness, no matter how strong, is just a perception, and is not how it really is.
2. Letting go is not so difficult – unless I just need the practice.
3. There are NO hopeless situations, only people who have become hopeless about their situation. It isn’t fatal; it’s just an opportunity to find the belief that fails me.
4. My attitude will merely reflect what I focus on in my thinking. If I focus on the failures, I’ll feel despair. If I focus on my successes, I’ll feel better.
5. Goal-setting using small steps can enable me to get back my power and find my way out of any mess.
6. If others give me my self-worth, then others can take it away anytime they please. It’s time for me to take my value and worth out of others hands, once and forever.
7. Just feeling it, doesn’t necessarily make it true. Many feelings are only reflecting the conclusions I came to in childhood. Conclusions that were quite inadequate then and NOW.
8. No, life isn’t fair, but this old (childhood) method of comforting myself when disappointed is too destructive to continue with.
9. I can forgive myself when I know I’m no longer the same person that did the wrong thing. That will come when I’ve renounced forever the belief or value that set me up to make the poor choice in the first place.
10. The challenge here is to learn how to coach myself through the feeling I hate the most: whether rejection, despair, abandonment, humiliation, injustice etc.
11. This is an opportunity to teach my mind to become my friend, so it won’t betray me whenever the hard times come.
12. Blaming others so I feel innocent will only render me feeling more powerless and angry than ever. It is better to just accept the correction or develop the missing skills I need.
13. I made the best decision I could at the time, and only hindsight could reveal my mistake.
14. Doing frequent reality checks on my expectations means I won’t need to hurt or abuse myself, or merely drift through life.
15. The only power they have to control me is what I lend them. If I lend it, then I can recall it whenever I need to. Then I’ll make some new choices, to get back control of my life.
16. Failure is a necessary part of learning and doesn’t decide my value as a person.
17. Eventually, everything that can be taken from me, will be taken from me. So success must be about WHO I am becoming, not what I own or my accolades.
18. Success doesn’t build character; rather it's character that ensures success.
19. There’s a reason why you are still single, but that search is only for people who are actually willing to work on themselves (change).
20. Why would I be complaining or sulking when I could (should) be strategising.
21. I can’t afford to give in to disappointment or despair or self-pity again – I know now where it will lead to.
22. Whatever I dwell on will produce my mood. So, what am I dwelling on? what am I thinking about? And how optimistic is it?
23. Building a future begins with rebuilding my priorities. So, what comes first, and what comes second? Any successful life will exemplify this.
24. God doesn't give me permission to punish myself (even though I have the freedom to). The best correction comes from new insightful truth, not punishing myself (that only demoralises me).
25. What are you wallowing in? Like condemnation, guilt and despair are only for those who have no intention of changing.
26. Backing myself looks like this: believing in my own decisions, giving myself permission to go for it regardless, and if it doesn’t work I won't take it so personally, I'll just try another way. Eventually, a door will open.
27. Don't beat yourself up for stuffing up, beat up the misbelief that set you up. What was the assumption / belief / lie that I believed that let me down? Draw the lesson from the experience and pick yourself up!
These renewed thoughts practised and memorised will act like a life-raft for your mind and heart disillusionment, discouragement, disappointment or despair arise.
Please feel free to share this with friends, family and via social channels - If we all share the good that we find, like a pebble dropped into water, the ripples will continue to flow, and many others will be reached and encouraged. :)
Thanks to David Riddell of Living Wisdom for these 27 Insights for 'Coaching Yourself Through Disappointment'.